WWF Shotgun Saturday Night - 1/11/97
Part 2 of 6 in a series looking at the night club episodes of WWF Shotgun.
A more apt title for this would be “Honky Tonk Man: Lost in New York”
1. Marc Mero vs. Diesel
2. Faarooq vs. Savio Vega
3. Rocky Maivia vs. Razor Ramon
4. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs. The Headbangers
Honky Tonk Man is at the St. Regis hotel berating a shoeshine guy. Sable and Mero arrive in a limo. We’re at the All Star Cafe which looks interesting. Diesel lumbers around the ring as Todd Pettingill informs us that the Sisters of Love, our friends the Flying Nuns from last week, were arrested for solicitation. That’s unfortunate. Moving on, Marc Mero and Sable literally get lost on the way to the ring. Our first match, Marc Mero against Not Diesel is now! They’re fighting in the middle of a restaurant and Sable grabs some dudes dessert and shoves it in Diesel’s face. Todd bothers Sable at ringside. She makes a joke. Razor Ramon shows up and Sable screeches. Why didn’t she just throw a bowl of ice cream or something at him? Not much happened here and it went on forever. Diesel won with a powerbomb as Mero and Sable argue. I don’t understand why Sable is so upset. The guy who’s dessert she stole should be the one that’s upset. He’s now stuck with a $17 tab for a crappy banana pudding that he didn’t even get to eat. Honky Tonk Man turns up and tries to hit on Sable. Rocky Maivia attempts to make the save. Mero comes back and they fight. Meanwhile, PG-13 raps Faarooq to the ring as they pass a server going up the stairs with someone’s overpriced nachos. Faarooq vs. Savio Vega is next! Vince and Sunny espouse about Sunny’s supposed sex tape. Todd Pettingill asks some random horny dude in the crowd about it. He yells incoherently. Savio hits some brutal chops and a spin kick. The crowd does not care at all. They’re more interested in their ribs or whatever. Sunny dances on a table. We go to Sunny’s sex tape. She’s with a Tickle Me Elmo. SOMEONE IN AN ELMO SUIT AND A THONG SHOWS UP! WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING! Oh my God, she calls it FONDLE ME ELMO! Lights go out and sex noises happen. Elmo asks where is pants and his pecker are. I can’t believe I actually wrote that sentence. I have no words for what just happened. Honky and Todd shimmy on a ledge and do a duet. Honky Tonk Man’s mic doesn’t work. Some random dude pops in to sing with them. This is absolutely wretched. STOP SINGING! NO ONE CARES!! Todd dances to some lame-ass leftover 80s theme that Rocky comes to the ring with. Razor jumps him in the ring. You mean to tell me that Razor had to stand in ring while that HTM and Pettingill sang that abomination of a song? Rocky vs. Razor was nothing. Honky Tonk Man loitered around ringside doing nothing. Someone explain why he’s a center point of this episode? Todd is outside explaining the benefits of a box house and finds Nikolai Volkoff. What the actual hell is happening. Vince says Goldust is pregnant and Goldust will give birth next week. I swear, those are actual words that were spoken on television. Furnas and LaFon are in the ring as Sunny runs down their accomplishments including name dropping the All-Asia tag titles. Show ends with the match in progress. I have no idea what in the hell I just witnessed.